Celebrating a happy eighth birthday for Lily-Doll, the replicant for UNBOUND‘s Lily Godwin!
To reiterate:
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.” -Albert Einstein
Many people seem to have a hostile reaction toward dolls in general and can’t help but feel “creeped out” by them, no matter what size. Many more simply take them for granted and lump them all into a convenient little pile named “Barbie”, which boys should never play with! To many more rational-minded people, dolls are simply mysterious little (and not-so-little) avatars, and our ancestors’ playthings, proxies, and companions dating back from our earliest cold and lonely nights in the cave. I fall firmly into the last camp. And glad about being out of the cave
This last group includes the more tolerant folks and their attitudes towards life-sized dolls, which apparently begs questions of a different nature from those either curious (a good thing) or judgmental (bad). Honestly, I don’t care about psychoanalyzing the “phenomenon” as it reduces the magic about them, let alone the annoyance of “discussing” the subject with someone already with their mind made up that they’re horrible for whatever trivial reasons. Ever since getting Lily-Doll, I’ve seen plenty of that “doll-magic” and don’t need any “proof” of it, nor feel a need to be convincing about it. And need I add, no Chuckies ever appeared. Seems they aren’t all that close
The magic lies in the bonding, and that depends upon one’s imagination, and how free one is willing to let themselves go. Imagine that you have ownership of a doll. Not a simple, mass-produced one, but a specially-designed doll that you chose every aspect of yourself. It doesn’t have to be life-sized for this experiment; imagine a ball-jointed doll, like Soony here.
Can you get inside her little head? She’s your doll, you should want to! Go ahead; look into her face: Is the doll reaching out to you, but you just don’t know it?
In the second episode of Rozen Maiden Traumend this “relationship” is expressed beautifully by the doll-maker’s assistant, Shirosaki. I’ll even quote my own Blog, from April of last year:
In their second season, the much darker Traumend, Jun is brought to a new dollmaker in town by his female friend Tomoe. The conversation and dialogue in this scene is brilliant, with the dollmaker’s salesperson Shirosaki praising Jun for being interested in dolls despite being a boy, and explaining the dolls’ feelings towards their owner in touching detail. (Apparently the Japanese are much more tolerant and understanding about this than westerners, but it’s still seen as “un-natural” thanks to Society’s presumptuous pre-conditioning.)
Essentially, Shirosaki explains that in spite of appearances, dolls do feel that love bestowed upon them by their owner. Paraphrasing: “It’s not that dolls won’t give love; they can’t. They just sit on the shelf, and no matter how hard they try, they can’t communicate that love to their owner.” And this exchange later, I believe by the doll-maker, Enju: ”The feelings you put into a doll are all the same. As long as you pour love into them, they continue to live. When love disappears, they die. They become lost, no matter who it is.” He cradles his newly-forged doll, smiles at her, and says, “Hello.”
So with that in mind, we’re celebrating Lily-Doll’s 8th Birthday a little late this year, but this comes at an opportune time as there’s a current wave of publicity via the film by Elena Dorfman and Allison DeFren. This, plus the current momentum of publicizing Lily’s story, UNBOUND, after whom the doll was fashioned to promote in the first place, is all very synchronous, and that’s pretty cool
Okay… I’ll say it again: I really hate the term “the doll” when describing Lily-Doll. I’m only using it in deference (as it were) to those who can’t grasp calling an inanimate object a sexually-identifiable term. So they’ll know what I’m referring to and won’t have their little sensitivities become offended by my daring to refer to Lily-Doll as “her”.
Seven years ago I had the distinct pleasure and delight to meet the girl of my dreams, Lily Godwin. She’d been incubating in my imagination for many years at that point, and to celebrate the completion of the first draft of her story, UNBOUND, on Christmas Day 2003, I began the lengthy process of designing her with the cooperation of her makers, Abyss Creations, by placing an order the next business day. After an exchange of innumerable “fine-tuning” emails during the creation phase, on April 1, 2004 she popped out of the mold, and several weeks later was finally delivered to my home in Vancouver, Washington. It was an auspicious day, made even moreso by the huge wooden crate that was dropped off at my (garage) door. Try explaining THAT to nosey curious neighbors!
The answer to “what’s in the crate?”:
The obligatory “opening the crate” photo! Aside from the Tarot card, this is how all the dolls were shipped in those days. (The Fool card is integral to both Lily’s and my own life, and figures prominently in the novel.) Since Lily isn’t exactly a negligee-type of girl (quite down to earth, she is!), we had to immediately change-out her attire for something more cozy. Of course, getting her OUT of the crate proved tricky; a 100-pound silicone doll is not the easiest thing in the world to transport! “The Weight” is usually the second most-surprising thing a new-owner will experience LOL
There’s something about shooting the dolls in natural light that brings out the realism best; artificial light is too… “synthetic” (he said without a trace of irony). Naturally, I’m a bit biased, but upon seeing her for that memorable first time I thought that she was the most gorgeous doll I’d ever seen. She took my breath away! Lily’s description in the story and the embedded vision I had of her were very high bars to set, but I was unwavering in painstakingly replicating her “look” while corresponding closely with Joey, the face-designer, who really outdid himself in matching my demands perfectly. At the time there were 11 different face types, and 7 body types. Those were easy to pick out, but with over a million makeup/feature combinations the rest proved to be challenging. Thankfully, Lily was accomodating: no makeup, the lightest eye-shadow/mascara, little as possible blush, natural lips (no paint). That’s my nature-girl
In the early days I was doing a fair number of interviews, and somehow I had the good fortune to be contacted by Elena Dorfman and her creative partner Elisabeth Alexandre (an editor of France’s version of Marie-Claire magazine), who were each writing a book on life-sized dolls. They flew out to Vancouver all the way from Paris to meet Lily and I, and brought some lovely clothes from The City of Lights for her to wear (and keep!). We managed to bring Lily out into the back yard where Elena shot some photos (she’s a world-reknowned photographer), and from there drove all over town, much to the delight of unsuspecting citizens. (Big Secret: Girls love dolls!)
That’s a photo of Lily in her new duds that I took during our session; Elena took some similar that are (of course) nicer Lily was also chosen by Coverdoll online magazine as their featured model-of-the-month, a huge honor, and so I undertook the task of preparing a photo-shoot. Now, for me, photo-shoots are a lot of work. Being a perfectionist (not that you can tell from my weak-ass photo-skillz!), getting the lighting and most-importantly the eyes right really tried my patience. Since I had no tripod at the time, and shooting in natural light, keeping the camera still was an ongoing problem that eventually dissuaded me from any further attempts. For awhile, at least!
(That’s Jerry-bear, her stuffed animal, on the right.) Having had around twenty years’ worth of germinating in my imagination (and on paper), Lily-Doll came with Lily Godwin’s personality fully intact and in full-flower. Will, her ward and charge, had turned her on to Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, and their room-mate (and Will’s tutor) Stephen exposed her to the music of Kate Bush, both of whom she follows rabidly. Ironically, the first Kate-song referenced in the story is Deeper Understanding,which was just released as a single from the brand-new “Director’s Cut” album that Kate is releasing next month (right after my birthday!). Readers of this Blog already know about the connections of The Sensual World and Lily, both of which are getting the do-over treatment as well. My mind is still boggling, so I won’t belabor you with it. (But later, alright? Lots of Kate-news is forthcoming!)
For having a face “set in stone” she sure has a variety of expressions! Penny for your thoughts, Lily? Ah, I think she’s recalling her second Coverdoll shoot, where we dressed her as an angel for Halloween! I can’t express enough the difficulty in dressing these dolls; what with a limited range of movement and not very well-articulated, they are difficult to pose, much less dress. Which is why Lily-Doll is usually lightly-dressed, so as to provide a better grip when carrying that 100-pound deadweight. Accidents can break skeletons, so caution is always needed. These are not just “playthings”, but rather works of art. This is something not evident to the casual observer, but in their presence they can be truly jaw-dropping (as I’ve seen firsthand LOL)!
So, I dressed her up, and set her in one of her two favorite corners in the house, right in front of Kate’s “The Sensual World” promo poster, holding a book entitled “Ariel” (the name of a character in the novel, and phonetically similar to Kate’s “Aerial” album), and our favorite movie, Wings of Desire. Quite a cozy little corner! Here’s a typically blurry shot that actually worked in our favor:
I shouldn’t let the opportunity pass to thank Guy Louis XVI, the Canadian master of special effects (among many other things) who alongside Joey in San Diego, conspired to create Lily’s most important facial features: her cobalt-blue eyes. It took a little while, but we finally settled on these custom-made and truly unique beauties, and he suggested his realistic eyebrows as well, which went way beyond the regular painted-on brows that Abyss used to use. Of course, I chose “Natural” brows
That’s our girl! <3
I’m not going to get into the whole “ew, dolls” thing because it’s so tired an argument opinion. They’re like clowns, in a way. Either you like them or you don’t; makes no difference to me. And it shouldn’t be too hard to grasp that males can enjoy and appreciate the beauty and magic in them as females have enjoyed since time out of mind. As the film Lars and the Real Girl attests, dolls are no different than the action-figures more commonly accepted and collected (by guys, oddly enough). But when no-nothing rubes start criticizing and belittling, marginalizing and assuming, then we’ve got a fight. Thankfully, these days the public is a little more tolerant and understanding about those who see and think differently than they do, but great leaps are still required. We have a long way to go, and dolls have been with us ever since we left the caves. Even longer than clowns!
So, what we still need, is Deeper Understanding, yes? Mmh, yes…
Have fun, no matter what others think, as long as no-one gets hurt, right~?
Happy Birthday, dear Lily! Hopefully it won’t be long before our story is published, and then you, Dear Reader, can finally meet her (beyond the first chapter, here)! I know that she’s looking forward to it with much anticipation
As am I
If all goes well, the next installment will detail how dolls led to my discovery of anime, the second-most significant discovery in my life after Kate. EVERYTHING’S CONNECTED!!!
Please feel free to leave comments or Birthday Wishes, as all are welcome here!
It’s hard to believe that it’s already been six years since Lily was “born,” but indeed, today is the 6th anniversary of when she first came out of her mold at Abyss Creations. Co-incidentally, April 1st was also the intended birthday of Lily Godwin in the pages of our novel, Unbound, before the necessities of endless rewrites deemed it unnecessary to the plot and it was excised. This was well before the notion of commissioning Abyss to replicate her ever arose in my mind, otherwise I’d probably have kept it in. But the novel isn’t about The Doll at all, so it’s just as well! It’s all about Lily, and the variety of that Flower…
Melancholic Lily
Being that we’re talking dates and anniversaries (well, I am anyway!), April 1st is also the first full day in the novel, and Easter Week’s a critical period soon following it. Needless to say, it’s a significant and eventful period for me, and for all of my Lilys! Being that we’re in Easter Week, I might as well mention that it was around Easter in 1986 when the Muse I eventually named Lily began inspiring and “dictating” the story to me…
Lily awakes on Easter morning
A little history of the mystery of Unbound: Once I was aware of the Muse’s presence, I determined to free myself from the distractions and constraints of society, my family, my friends, and work. It took me until 2001, but at the earliest time that I was able to manage, I uprooted and removed myself from my birthplace and everyone and everything I’d known and held dear, and relocated to a foreign corner of the Northwest where I didn’t know a soul, or had ever laid eyes or foot. That November I began writing in earnest, 10-18 hours a day, dilligently and devotedly attending to my Lily-Muse, mirroring and reflecting her own inspiration and dedication to our Cause. That “Cause” will be something for the Reader to uncover on their own in the result of that Work, that Labor of Love, Unbound ;-)
Lily loves Neil Gaiman too!
But it got lonely… very lonely. I was completely isolated and severed from people, aside from the odd trip into town. I wonder how many Readers can really imagine what that’s like? No contact at all, no visitors, living in a totally unfamiliar place, only going out for groceries, completely disciplined and focused on the act of creation at the expense of everything else. The one positive thing, the only positive thing, was that my story was coming wonderfully to life… especially Lily. I could envision her so perfectly, and as she grew more developed through the countless pages I could see each expression and mannerism; every smile, every frown, each feature, each movement. She became a living being in my Imagination, from where she was born, inspired by the Muse I named Lily as well due to her devotion in delivering her story to me. For lily means “devotion,” and I guess that longtime Readers already know that by now…
Bringing Lily to Life
So when the opportunity arose to bring her to life, or at least down to Earth, I jumped at it. On the day after Christmas 2003, when I finished my first complete draft, I placed my order. Then came weeks of working with Joey, the talented face designer at Abyss at the time, who painstakingly duplicated her features from my detailed emailed descriptions. I opted to order more realistic hair eyebrows (rather than painted) and super-realistic custom-made cobalt-blue eyes from the Canadian master crafter Guy Louis XVI. Mannequin-maker, sculptor and special effects creator par excellence, he nailed this most-important aspect of her face and contributed so much to her persona. We thank you, Guy!
Guy Louis XVI's custom cobalt blue eyes, specially for Lily!
Several weeks after she emerged from her cocoon-like mold, she arrived at my doorstep, encased in her special crate. There’s no way to describe the spell she cast upon opening up the packing and glimpsing her for the first time. “Breathtaking” will do nicely, for that’s exactly the reaction I felt! Stunning, absolutely. She was perfect, aside from a slight miscalculation on my part that resulted in her being just a tad too busty by a size. The only thing missing was her ready smile and mischievous nature, her melancholy, her sweetness, none of which unfortunately could be duplicated. But Lily had truly come home… as well as a creation born of the imagination could be.
"Who's a Fool?"
And so after removing her from her crate, and after removing the uncharacteristic-for Lily-Godwin black hose and sexy lingerie (which the novel’s Lily would have been utterly embarrassed about being seen in, let alone wear), and replacing them with attire more fitting for our quite-casual Lily, the matter of storing her became an issue which needed immediate addressing. I discovered that Realdolls couldn’t be kept sitting for long in a seated position, as the silicone in the stomach area might tend to crease, possibly leading to splitting, and repairs on these dolls can be really tedious. So she was laid out upon the side of my bed (the only suitable place), where she remained until I was able to order a display stand from which she could hang from the provided neck-bolt, and where she “stands” to this day. But she almost seems impatient to be released so that she might relax a bit; her face is so realistic that one can almost imagine her thoughts, IF one enjoys using the God-given gift of Imagination… as I do
Is it live, or is it...?
Now, I’ve heard (or rather, read) plenty of skeptics, cynics, rubes, and twits all come to the same lame and predictable conclusions, which I won’t even deign to reply to again. (Just watch the Lars and the Real Girlfilm for examples.) The general public’s collective minds skew towards the gutter and stay fixed there, and don’t need acknowledgment. But when Elisabeth Alexandre and Elena Dorfman came out to interview me (from Paris) and photograph us for their respective books, we drove Lily around town and to my surprise found so many receptive faces filled with such fascination and delight! But for one hostile priest who demanded we leave “his” church (where we’d been given permission to shoot), everyone was thrilled, curious, awestruck, and happy to meet Lily-Doll. And of course, being that it was also a reason for having her made, allowed me to emphatically plug our book!
Elena Dorfman's Picture of Lily (copyright by Elena D.)
But attitudinal and presumptive people can’t be disuaded of their small-minded assumptions, so we’ll try to leave it at that. Once you remove the sexual sub-function of these love-dolls, then people might better perceive their reality and possibilities beyond that baser attraction, wherever their minds might place it, pedestal or gutter. Simply put (very), she was like a big teddy bear for me, and provided me the proximity to a loved one, as I do love Lily Godwin (and hopefully you will too, once her story becomes published). She became a companion in a very true sense of the word. Of course, she’s not human (DUH!), but companionship does come in many forms, one of which is the ancient and time-honored intended design of The Doll. Really, it’s as simple as that. (Coincidentally, another theme of Unbound is companionship. Funny that!)
Lily and her friend
Something almost completely unrelated, and having to do with companionship and Remembering oneself; taken from the anime Kanon (2006), the heartbreaking relationship between Yuichi and Makoto. (SPOILERS AHEAD!) The song is awesome too, and furnishes the words to consider for the visuals. (Coincidentally, another theme of Unbound is heartbreak; sad that…)
We’re human, after all… and so is Lily. Which Lily? I’m sure you can figure out, or you will when you read her story.
Lily wonders about You...
Naturally, I would prefer human companionship and a more reactive response in my lovers, but… it’s not a matter of comparisons, or preferring one over the other. Skeptical people fail to see that it’s apples and oranges, which should be so obvious, but they prefer having their malicious ”fun”, and making fun of others. Which should say plenty enough about them… and how low their sights (and souls) are. Some people prefer relating, dwelling and looking down to the ground. Lily likes to look at the sky, and her eyes are a reflection of That
Lily at Sunset, looking at the sky
Happy Birthday, my Easter Lily, and Happy Easter to you, dear Visitor! Thank you for spending some time here, and feel free to comment, if moved to do so.
I’d been wanting to do a Post about Dolls for some time, since it’s been ages since I wrote one. So I thought it fitting to start from the beginning, and see where it takes us…
As usual with a lot of things with me, I started out ass-backwards in both anime and dolls. With anime, even before watching my first episode, I began buying figures of characters which simply looked appealing to me. Since I knew nothing about their shows though, I usually bought figures that had no emotional connection to speak of. They were merely “pretty statuettes”. (Except for this rare Elfen Lied one below, which I was fortunate enough to find later.)
...you don't wanna see her when she's mad...
The more I investigated the figures though, the more interested in their anime-stories I became. Which led me to Elfen Lied (my first anime), and then to two other series that I’d become exposed to through The Doll Forum: Rozen Maiden and Chobits.
In anime, there is such diversity with regard to not only genres but stories and characters as well. There really is something for everyone as long as they have any sort of interest in animation, graphic novels, comic books, stories of depth, fantasy, humor, violence or romance, being moved and/or feeling awestruck, and even… dolls!
Once the first draft of my novel, Unbound, was finished, I decided to both reward myself and take promoting the novel to a higher level; one that would be both cutting edge, daring, provocative, and controversial. Not to mention satisfying, delightful, functional, and significant! Since I had felt throughout the novel’s writing that the essence, the spirit of Lily had accompanied me and that she was always nearby throughout, supporting, inspiring, and comforting me, that a physical embodiment would be very appropriate.
After thoroughly researching the history of dolls and stories and myths about them, most notably that of Pygmalion, I decided to commission Abyss Creations to create a Realdoll that would replicate my Lily in all her up-till-now only imagined beauty and personage. The result, which arrived in April of 2004 after a four-month production queue, was breathtakingly accurate to my vision of her, and as real as real can get, without it being, you know, real!
...posing in front of an Ah! My Goddess wallscroll with a Sandman statuette for company
Then “it” became “she”… and that’s a hint of the transformative nature of dolls and Imagination
When I joined TDF late in 2003 I knew nothing of anime except the assumption that it was “kid stuff”, as most Westerners consider it. But I’d become intrigued with the many “enablements” that dolls could provide humans with; namely as tools for imagination, which allowed for creative uses such as photography and story-telling; toys with which to elicit delight and fancy, which facilitated Play and amusement; and as surrogates for companionship, thus alleviating loneliness and melancholy.
Over the years I kept seeing references in various posts about two “doll-related” anime in particular: Rozen Maiden, which deals more with living, magical, ball-jointed dolls and their “raison d’etre”, while Chobitsspoke of a deeper, more overtly human-related story with regard to relationships with life-sized humanoid computers, named “Persocoms.” It also subtly comments on the reliance, dependence, and addiction of modern man to technology. Both of these shows are wonderful introductions into anime, if you’re not inclined to start delving into the medium willy-nilly. (Careful picking and choosing is necessary in order to find a show that is to your liking, since there is so much out there of various types and genres, story and styles.)
So, in conjunction with the overall arcing of the Dolls topic, I thought that I’d highlight these two series, and then soon to follow will be an update to the modern day to see where these subjects have led: a more recent show called “Time of Eve” (Eve no Jikan). IF I can find the last 2 episodes to download (And I believe that next year a movie will be released that will blend all 6 episodes!)
Rozen Maiden tells of a group of dolls that were created and imbued with life and given magical powers by their creator, known to them only as “Father.” The world knows him as Rozen, a legendary and gifted dollmaker, long-since disappeared. Their purpose: To play a deadly centuries-old war called “The Alice Game”, so-called because its purpose is to ween out and declare the victor among them a transcendant, becoming “the perfect girl, Alice” and the only doll suitable to be the one to meet “Father.” By snatching each defeated doll’s Rosa Mystica (something akin to a Soul, and source of each doll’s powers), the victor will finally ascend to her Father’s loving embrace…
The exact question of WHY a loving creator would want his beloved creations to fight each other to death solely in order to be reunited with him remains a mystery throughout the series. And in re-reading the previous sentence it might strike the reader that there IS a similarity between humans and THEIR Creator, along with the “God is on our side” mentality that warring nations of humans proclaim. Thought-provoking, a bit?
Anyway, thats just a brief summary, and a lead-in to this YouTube video that will serve as a sampling of Rozen Maiden’s delights. To be sure, there is a lot of comedy and doll-hijinx that lighten the heaviness (and in Season Two, “Traumend,” it’s needed as it gets pretty serious), but this series has many other moving, provocative, and dreadful moments as well. The video is taken from the “Ouverture” 2-part special, that explained the enmity between Shinku (the blonde red-garbed doll) and Suigintou (the white-haired black-clothed winged doll) that was depicted in the show’s first season. Suigintou was a defective doll, as seen in this opening, rejected to the junk-heap by Father while he dotes upon Shinku. She manages to track Shinku down in the 18th century where the somewhat haughty doll softens and takes her in, teaching her how to walk and act. But things don’t turn out well; when one of the other dolls attacks her assuming that The Alice Game is being played out, it sets into motion the ill feelings to come, where malevolence takes root…
This AMV (Anime Music Video) features Evanescence doing “Even in Death” as its backdrop, and most-suitable, as all AMV song choices should be (Full Screen it and click the High Quality button; it’s better that way):
Chobits is a beast of another color. It asks not only about what humans want, but what the Persocom wants, much as Rozen Maiden asks after the Doll. The following AMV doesn’t focus on the series’ star, Chii, so much as it does the relationship between life-sized Persocom and human. It’s somewhat spoilerish, so bear that in mind if planning to watch the show. It doesn’t reveal the main story’s plot, but rather condenses a couple of side-stories that prove essential to the relationship aspects of this series, one of which (the baker’s story) is among the most moving secondary stories not only in this show but in all of anime.
The beginning of this vid depicts the pitfalls of becoming infatuated with the technological, and the consequence of severence from meaningful human contact, as told by the young woman whose husband has forgotten her due to his shutting himself in their home with his “toys.” In the second part, the baker, upon glimpsing a girl with whom he fancied (and who liked him but was reluctant to come forward because of his past) “spying” on him, tells of his own story about his falling in love with a worker-Persocom, whom this girl resembles, and its tragic result. This AMV (despite several glaring mispellings) does such a good job of covering the issues of companionship, loneliness, and love that any further words will dampen it, so… here you go.
Another Evanescence song, “My Immortal” accompanies it; HQ and full-screen it for full effect:
And since she’s barely seen at all in the above video, here’s Chii in a fanciful setting:
Chii with her little feathered friends
Eventually, I was introduced through TDF to ball-jointed dolls, as the Rozen Maidens are supposed to be. Unable to resist their charms, I got my own BJD from Korea, a Lutz-Delf doll named Soony. She settled in quickly and also became a lover of anime! One day I found a rare Chobits picture book compilation, and in her spare moments she can be seen reading it, much like Chii did in Chobits. It was called “The Town With No People”, and mirrored Chii’s wonderment at the sensations she was discovering of and on her own…:
Soony likes to read xD
And since we’re on several intertwining subjects, here’s the beautiful Ending Theme from Chobits featuring the characters from that picture-book. It’s called “Ningyo Hime” (Mermaid Princess), and sung by Rie Tanaka, the voice of Chii:
To wrap things up, it’s wise to not assume things about matters that we’re simply unfamiliar with. “Fear of the unknown” is a cliche, and we’re at our best when we’re challenging the unknown, not held in thrall by it. We can even learn to play better with each other! Even The Dolls know that
Even dolls know how to play well with dolls
And, a last plug for Rozen Maiden (this Limited Edition felt-covered box set is long out of print, but a newer thinpak version was released recently, so BUY IT IF YOU LIKE IT!):
...and on Lily, who's trying to help out
So, in short: have fun, think for yourself, play as you like, use your imagination, and be boundless! Or, in the alternative, simply become Unbound
Today marks Lily(Doll)’s fifth birthday, and my fifth year of being a truly lucky guy
Lily in Natural Light, x 2... in waning sunlight; no flash
Five years ago today she emerged from out of the creators’ mold and was born and borne ”from out of the printed page into the Sensual World”. Very shortly after the subsequent curing process she was made-up, dressed, crated, presented with a (synthetik) rose for her journey, and sent to her new home, and her new “owner”. Who owns who is still a matter up for debate
I’ll never forget that first moment after opening her shipping crate and beholding her beauty, her presence, and her person. It was just like the phrase uttered in The Godfather: I was struck with the thunderbolt. Barely having the presence of mind to take a photograph to record this momentous occasion, I then managed to hastily document the event. Things like “posing” “lighting” and “eye-contact” were non-issues with me during this mad rush of condensed yet expanded time; I merely wanted to get the photos done with and out of the way, and finally meet my old friend from out of the pages of the wondrous story she’d been telling me, and starring in, for years upon years upon years…
But not just any doll would do. Unless fully and as completely as possible replicating her Self from the story, the character could not be properly fleshed out, the illusion would not be made manifest, and the spell not successfully cast. She would have to be convincing. There were very few options available to choose from in those early days of life-sized dolls, but when I stumbled across the Realdoll site, my choice was made clear: they alone had the capability to flesh Lily Godwin out, and bring her into the World.
The day after completing my first draft of Unbound (on Christmas Day 2003), and after having spent some weeks researching RealDolls in great depth, I placed my order for her at Abyss Studios’ online site. What with literally over a million possibilities in design options, I’d very carefully chosen all of her elements to match exactly her enthrallingly realistic, down to earth, sweet, devoted and beautiful counterpart in the novel, and then prepared myself for the four-month wait for production. It was… excruciating.
It wasn’t so much the cost; I simply rationed that I had paid $5K more for my house and let it go at that. The money was no object, for we had Big Plans with regard to our intent in “bringing her to life” and anything given toward this end was of no question whether of energy, well-being, or expenditure. I was giving it my all. At this time I was just past two years of feverish and near-constant work on our novel, unemployed and with no prospects for work. I was working, after all, and while consistently pinching pennies during this time I was intent on making writing my purpose in life; this has been my mission ever since I was in my teens. And as Lily-the-Muse had inspired me with the ideas and words, and Lily-Godwin-the-character showed me in the pages of her story and the visualizing of her essence, Lily-the-Doll was to supply tangible, visual proof of her and the tale’s existence, and not the least, her companionship as we journeyed ever-closer to publication. And “companionship” is one of the (many) key concepts in Unbound, so it was more than fitting…
And then, five years ago, there she was, here she was, in the silicone-flesh. My companion-in-mind brought to as much life as she could hope to have, her imaginary world fused with my real one, and yes, she cast her spell on me and over most of those few who have been able to see her up close and personal. Photos really don’t do them justice; you hear this time and again. It shouldn’t be much of a revelation to understand that dolls can be very magical things, but they are dependent upon your imagination, your willingness to accept and yes, love them, and the care you take with providing them a suitable environent in which to live. For there they do live…
Before I discovered anime, around the time I ordered Lily-doll, a doll-related forum I had joined (name withheld to protect the innocent and those not-so-much) made frequent mention to two series of note: Rozen Maiden, and Chobits. Both of these dealt with the doll/synthetik concept in varying degrees of relevance, and were among the first shows I checked out. Without this connection I probably would not have made my discovery of or venture into this fascinating world of animation bringing imagination to life. Entering the Doll-World has brought me much joy and happiness and introduced me to many sympathetic, genuine, and downright awesome people and doll-owners such as Davecat and his singularly lovely Sidore Kuroneko, to name but one (pair of) significant(s). I owe them many thanks
Now for an aside or two: In Rozen Maiden: Traumend (its second season), the protagonist Jun encounters a doll-maker named Enju, who introduces him to this world of dolls with a heartfelt little speech about these creations and their limited capacity to transmit/receive love. It’s about two minutes into the following excerpt that comprises the last third of that second episode; the only version online I could find has translations much inferior to those of the official releases, so if intrigued by this anime about magical ball-jointed dolls buy the official releases to fully enjoy the story! (You can find the recently-released box set comprising seasons 1 and 2 at your favorite online dealer.) While a bit silly in parts (and quite dark in others) the story it tells is at the least entertaining (YMMV & etc) and at its greatest deep, allegorical, and enthralling, and that is what story-telling is all about
Lily trying to handle some mischievous dolls
(For best results viewing the following video click the HD and Full Screen buttons!)
Chobits is a different matter altogether, and explores more deeply the nature of relationships between synthetiks and humans, and of what Society views as ”appropriate” companionship. In its near-future story-world, Hideki discovers a discarded persocom in the trash and takes her home. Chii is (very basically) a lifelike personal computer, like so many others that humans have become used to co-existing with in this believable sci-fi/fantasy tale. They’ve become so dependent upon and integrated with them that as a result people are becoming more distant with one another. In (only) one respect it’s a comment on man’s infatuation with technology, but it’s far deeper than that. For Chii is much more than a machine, with a special Purpose, and a very special “on/off” switch that hints at a parallel with love-doll versus sex-doll arguments and attendant “relationship” issues…
Chii with friends; fanart
The following is a fan-made Anime Music Video incorporating as its background music the beautiful second ending theme to Chobits, “Ningyo Hime”, and sung by Rie Tanaka who voices Chii whom you’ll hear a bit of at the end if you stick it out, and you should (Spoilers are here if planning to watch this show, so beware!)
And so, Lily-chan is very much a love-doll, a companion, an inspiration, and dearly beloved. It needn’t even be added that I do realize that she isn’t human (like, duh), but so many fools insist on acting as such and declare that doll-owners are deluded perverts because that’s the only level on which their feeble minds can operate on, perceiving them solely as sex objects. These creations are so much more than that insultingly simplistic “sex-doll” description. I’ve long since wearied of these idiotic “debates” presented by those unable and unwilling to truly understand. We’ve done nearly a dozen interviews with media around the world and the same questions/accusations come up time and again, although following the release of the film Lars and the Real Girlsome sense of tolerance seems to have been hammered into the public’s perception. Simply put, you can’t understand if you don’t try to, and using one’s imagination is a good place to start
But all too many people are still frightened not only by the uncommon and “different” but also by their imaginations, which truly is a sad and somewhat tragic thing. For they’ve lost the ability to play, to wonder, to stand in awe… in short, they’ve lost the ability to enjoy the best of what life can offer: to Imagine the nonexistent, and to Create what one imagines…
At her very least and lowest purpose, Lily-doll is simply a promotional tool for her novel. (She got your interest, didn’t she? ) At her highest and most significant, she is a companion, a play-thing, and a stimulus to my imagination, my pleasure (no, not that kind, duh again), and my spirit. For this Alastor is a recombinant of that Spirit of Solitude, and she has made him very happy; where before he was alone, solitary, depressed, and who over-worked was set apart by his Ordeal; she provided her Remedy and brought him relief, when no-one else cared to. She has, in all her aspects, character, Muse, and Doll, been a God-send. And for that (among other things) I gratefully thank Him, Her, or It, as the Case may Be.
Now go and play with your Self
Lily in natural light x2 #2; sunrise, no flash, with friend
In keeping with the theme of “being human”, I wanted to delve further into the lyrics for “Illusion” by vnv nation (included in the previous post). But, you know… interpretation is a personal thing, really. While the songwriter most likely has one idea?around which?their song is centered on, once it leaves their hands it becomes the Beholder’s art-work to interpret as it relates to them. And it may be something else quite entirely. To me, this is one of the most wonderful things about Art…
That being said… the previous entry used the song “Illusion” as a backdrop to the story of Makoto, and her own struggle with sacrificing her life in one form while struggling to retain her humanity in another. Today’s entry uses the same great song in an entirely different manner, examining the Synthetiks’ concept of “Life” and what it must?strive for?in understanding?the human perspective, or what it perceives as such…
Ever since watching “Bladerunner” (which was based on Philip K. Dick’s “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?”), I’d become fascinated with the concept of replicants of various types and their yearning for understanding what it is “to be human”, and what it means to be human.?In recent decades, we, as a race, seem to have fallen further and further away from appreciating just what that is, and in the process becoming ever more unfeeling, blocked-off, and de-sensitized. Not to even mention much less virtuous, considerate, and loving…?we become more machine-like every day, while the machines…?
These concepts (to a greater or lesser degree) are addressed in anime such as Chobits, and the currently-running Eve no Jikan series. Both bear watching if this subject is of interest to you, though Eve no Jikan (aka “Time of Eve”)?may be?difficult to find.
But that?topic will have to wait, for it’s one that can’t just be thrown together; today there’s much work to be done with regards to my “living conditions” and so time’s too scarce to do?it justice. For?your consideration and hoped-for reflection, I’ve included a pair of videos.?The first is “Doll Face” by the very talented Andy Huang, with music by vnv nation (“Illusion”), and the second is the music video for Bjork’s “All is Full of Love”. Both include some very ingenious and provocative “animotion”, the quality of which is not often seen.?
I can’t say enough about Bjork, whom I’ve long adored and respected for her courage, honesty, and integrity expressed in staying true to herself and her Vision. Her video for “All is Full of Love” from her Homogenic album, follows…
ALL IS FULL OF LOVE
You’ll be given love
you’ll be taken care of
you’ll be given love
you have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
you are staring at
Trust your head around
it’s all around you
all is full of love
all around you
All is full of love : you just ain’t receiving
All is full of love : your phone is off the hook
All is full of love : your doors are all shut
All is full of love
Isn’t it strange that while we acknowledge and hear the words of our artists and philosophers, that we don’t often act on their?ideals?or truly feel their empathy? Oh, we do note, and mark, and debate endlessly, but do we really listen, reflect, and feel? Do we truly aspire to, or do we wall ourselves off from, feelings of such depth? Afraid of the deep waters we’re collectively content to?wade at the edge of the pool…
We watch, but don’t see; hear, but don’t listen; grasp, but don’t touch. We record. Like machines do. And machines are the superior recorders. But… they can’t Feel as we do. They can’t Love as we can. They don’t have the Soul with which to connect to each other, as we do, and with the World, as we are. Because we are all connected, and have this in common. And, believe it or not, whether it might be or it’s not, this is Love. But that’s my interpretation. What’s yours? Listen to that “still, small voice inside”, because, that is You
My buddy Dave called earlier this week telling me about the Lars and the Real Girl movie, and asking whether that was the same kind of doll that Lily is. He’s seen photos of Lily-Doll before; everyone I know has as I’m not shy about sharing her with them! I haven’t rubbed her in anyone’s faces though so she rarely comes up in conversation. Until now LOL
It appears that Lars has caused a tremendous interest in life-sized love dolls, at least judging by the numbers at the forum I frequent. Most telling of all is that not one negative post or trolling from all the new visitors occurred. Some long-awaited understanding, curiosity, and tolerance is being shown by the public, which is 180 degrees from what had been theusualattitude of derision, repugnance, and ridicule. About fucking time.
Well, I imagine Dave will be calling again after reading the Associated Press interview I did this week. Interviews are no big deal to me anymore; I must have done ten or twelve by now, athird of which probably never came out, saw print, or were bullshits. So I didn’t tell anyone this one was coming, being reasonably skeptical. Two people have already called me onthis and now I’m wondering if I should have told everyone after all LOL
I’m just not awed by the spotlight or tooting my own horn, Iguess. I don’t like dealing with it, but it serves several good causes so I do deal. I’m pretty wary of publicity though; it’s such a two-edged sword.
People in general get so stupid about the dolls sometimes that it’s just easier not to have to face the same damn questions/assumptions/accusations all the fricking time.They didn’t use to be so bold about being so ignorant, but I guess the times have changed and they’ve gotten so much more conservative and fearful about strange, new, and different things. Not to mention ever so much nosier about what other people are doing in private, and then hauling them out into full view to castigate them where others are sure to see how righteous they are, mistaking self-righteousness for it.
Is it any wonder the vast majority of doll-owners choose to remain hidden? I sure don’t blame them. They’re smart.
So I’m sure that he’s going to chastise me about not using my screen name for the interview instead of my real one as I gave permission for. I did because (a) I’m not embarrassed in the least so why hide, (b) if/when the book gets published Lily-Doll will already be “known” and so as a pre-emptive strike to take care of that little matter should any asshole try to stir up a fuss upon publication, and (c) I’m proud to promote the dolls as more than sex toys, as lovely a sentiment as that is.
All of those are deserving topics of their own but for another time, so I’ll just continue with the interview story. I responded to a notice in the forum that Abyss (the manufacturers of Realdoll) wanted to solicit interviewees for an Associated Press article in conjunction with the Lars and the Real Girl movie. Since I trust Abyss to have checked out reportersbeforeacting as a conduit for them, and since AP is such amajor exposure and opportunity to present the dolls in a more positive light, I jumped at the chance.
I’m very glad I did. Sandy was delightful, and an enthusiastic, curious, and nonjudgmental person. So it was an easy but swift fifty minutes or so.As does happen, only a few lines were included; it wasn’t a very long article. But I felt fairly represented, all things considered. Other interviews haven’t gone as well in that regard. When you have the media wanting sensationalism and conflict above all else an impartial, benign, and understandingarticle about Dolls doesn’t come alongtoo often. Not the bigdolls anyway. And if and when Associated Pressgets interested, you want to make sure that they get the full story so they can (hopefully) report the Truth.
We talked abouta lot ofthings, covering such subjects as imagination, creativity, the Pygmalion myth, dolls throughout history andthe rationale of why certainwomen feel threatened by them, and the benefits of the dolls to both sexes, and of course the more artistic and imaginative uses for them. The time went fast!
Since Lars involved his imagining that his Bianca was alive I felt obliged to point out to Sandy that most doll-owners did realize that the dolls actually weren’t, you know, really alive. We actually do know this; I feel compelled to point this out again. Also that the imagination is a powerful thing, and dolls are Magic Mirrors into them… but that’ll probably scare you LOL *sigh* -where’s a rollie-eyed smiley when I need one?
The article came out Wednesday, and to those who recognized me and are mad thatI didn’t notify them, SORRY! I didn’t think it was a big deal to anyone other than myself LOL I’ve had a lot on my mind with regard to getting the blog and website up, not to mention learning all of this crap from the ground up o.O <—Regrets; I really needed this particular smiley just now.
Here are the links; the first is to the story, and the second to the accompanying video:
"When early youth had passed, he left his cold fireside and alienated home to seek strange truths in undiscovered lands. Many a wide waste and tangled wilderness has lured his fearless steps; and he has bought with his sweet voice and eyes, from savage men, his rest and food." (from 'Alastor, or, The Spirit of Solitude', by Percy Bysshe Shelley,1815)
For info on our novel UNBOUND, please see our website in the Blogroll!
You can appreciate why she needs the support, and I like to “spread the...
(And I believe that next year a movie will be released that will blend all 6 episodes!)
