Leaps of Faith Down the Mountain, and ‘cross the UNBOUNDed Main
Ξ November 16th, 2009 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Creativity, Slice of (Real) Life, Strange Phenomena, The Mysterious, Sacred, and Profane, UNBOUND, BOUND, and my other creations |
The Fool about to step off the Mountain…
Life is funny, sometimes… you just never know what it has in store. Which is good, if you like surprises 
Well before finding myself perched atop the highest mountain peak of my existence, I’d already endured trying trials of endurance, fortitude, and faith. It was the latter I’d been having trouble with. Lily too, come to think of it! Quite some time after the seeds of my novel, UNBOUND, had been sown, I’d found myself trapped in a hostile work environment and struggling to find time and energy to write the story. Not to put it over-dramatically, but the torments I stubbornly tolerated over the years threatened my health, sanity, and constantly tried to break my spirit. But I was bound and determined not to lose to the invading forces that always were battering at my Doors of Perception (pretty literally, as it turns out). The more they battered, the stronger my resolve became to wait them out; it was the principle of the thing. But would my faith in the story, and in myself, be sustainable?
It might not, I feared. And so I fought my way out, engaging The Enemy in his own court at his own game. At which I proceeded to get my ass kicked even more. My faith in my ability to outlast them wavered, although the ideas that had sprouted from the Story’s seed were taking root and growing through the impacted earth of the battlefield. These I was able to scribble down on stickees, collecting them like butterflies, and placing them in a box. But I couldn’t stop either to write or to smell the roses, as I was being constantly harrassed…
What had happened: I’d hurt my back after volunteering for a job that should have been done quicker by the proper department, but the Branch Manager wanted it done more quickly. So, I was tasked with moving a heavy desk that slipped off its transport, and when I moved to save it, wrenched my back pretty badly. (The nurse at the hospital took one look at it and exclaimed “oh my God!” when she saw how my spine looked.) You’d think that that things would go smoothly, it obviously being a Workmen’s Comp case. They did not, due to clever and malevolent machinations; management became determined to fire me or force me to quit. I resisted (to say the least), which only made things worse. Much.
So, after years of increasing incidents the number of which I will spare you, I began to get battered down. I was still able to write down ideas and sketches of my Story, but they became fewer in number as the constant battles at work went on. My back got worse, as so did their attacks. Eventually, seeing that I was not going to leave of my own accord, they piled on desk assignments, duties and responsibility, eventually giving me three desks that had formerly been handled by one person full time. And all were backlogged. I was ordered to get them caught up, with no mistakes tolerated. And if I had a problem with that, then I should know where the door was. Yeah, I did. AND, I did. So, I stayed, and fought, and worked.
You might be wondering: WHY did you stay? Well, because (a) I was doing good work and contributing to my community, (b) I was valued there, (c) I felt I was doing a small part to make this oftentimes cruel world a better, kinder place, and (d) I enjoyed being part of the Justice System, flawed as it might be. My mother, in my younger days, and alarmed at all the demonstrations and protests I took part in, and my “hippie lifestyle” (LOL), told me that “if you want to change The System, try to change it from within.” So, I thought I’d give it a try…
“They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom/for trying to change the system from within,” oh yes…
Well, I’ll tell you: The System doesn’t WANT to be changed, and will chew the shit out of anyone who tries. And so, upon discovering that, I became resolved to be a stone, and break their teeth whilst they gnashed at me. They monitored me like vultures would a ripe carcass, and picked what meat they could when they could, which was often. Soon enough, I was barely more than a skeleton’s worth, and fought not only them but my continual back pains, pneumonia, chronic bronchitis, and major depression, all brought on my their cruel tactics. I knew that it was time to change mine… but how?
One night while lying on my back on the floor, because there was nowhere else I could feel comfortable, I was in complete despair. Finally broken down, I curled into a fetal position and let the tears come; I couldn’t care anymore. I tried to ponder my options but couldn’t; there weren’t any. Trying to live in San Francisco without a good job was impossible. Things were bleak… and nothing but darkness was ahead on the road.
But then… in that particularly dark moment, ”She” came to me… that voice which I attributed to the one faithful and devoted being to have kept me company throughout these years while she teased me with snippets of a story she wanted to be written; that of my beloved Muse, who calmed me as I listened, ever grateful for her presence. And she said (more or less)… “Extricate yourself from this present situation, and then you may write our Story when you’re free. Have faith in me; keep it for your self and persevere. Do this and get it out into the World, and then all good things will come to you, and She will come as well.” (The “she” mentioned refers to That Special Person.) From that point on I worked at these goals, although it took some years to manage. Never once did I mistake this “still, small voice from within” for madness or hallucination or the like, so convinced was I of its sincerity, and what followed was and is the proof.
And to be sure, once I did escape and set about to writing, everything flowed as she said. Not only that, but the longer I lived “keeping the faith,” the more that positive encounters and events popped up along the way (aside from economic/unemployment matters, which sucked). The negativity and malicious beasts of my recent past had been left behind. Encouraged, I kept spotting signs of beneficent illumination provided by these signposts and marking my way as I climbed up the Mountain…
Then, I reached the top, when all of the creative work was finished. Time to return down to Earth, so as to present our offspring to the World! I reflect upon my Muse’s words and that prediction and that promise…
Navigating the treacherous waters surrounding the publishing industry, looking for somewhere to land… And now, after my query letters have finally begun going out in quantities hopefully sufficient to gain an opening in the Publisher’s walls, “She” has showed herself! You might have read about Lily here, and her conceptual designs/inspirations, and my mention of “Dee” being one of them. She is indeed Special For many years we’ve been apart, and I’ve fruitlessly searched for her by as many means as I had at my disposal. One recent day I was on a social networking site and thought, “what the hell; might as well try here.” And what do you know? She responded to my PM and sure enough, it was her! After nineteen years we’re going to have a reunion this week, and if she’s as joyful about it as I am then it’s going to be wonderful 
Something she shared with me:
Choose your own analogy/symbology/metaphysics 
So far, the Way of Living Through Faith has been unpredictable, scary, strenuous, exciting, exhilarating, and always interesting; this Grand Experiment of mine is coming alone fine. All that remains is to find that Agent or Publisher willing to be the conduit through which the Story is delivered… and so we’re working on that
Yep… life is funny, sometimes